Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
9 R% W5 O) i& z, W> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
& i1 E4 F6 ?" \7 X5 }> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
) F3 j) O% _5 O6 _5 h1 F0 J> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
- \' B" G( g7 e0 w  s> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
2 _( ^! x3 p; k>cream.
9 x1 ~/ B$ W6 J7 E1 l$ r5 O> > > >Which one is married?"
$ e, t) ~2 v, t0 |: ]' F7 Q1 r" v> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
1 f9 S" ]: ^: {; X: a' w7 G> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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+ R, E5 X4 v$ E- X; H) ^& g> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
" T* H, ?% x6 d> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
0 V( x" ~% O  d* F9 z> > > >"That's what I said!"
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) Q6 r9 k. _4 X. o- N! c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
6 F" y0 x7 e+ E> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
$ U) I# |! j, _* |  w> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
1 `8 i5 ?* V" y" w* w6 ^> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
# b! y/ Z; Y$ d" S> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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8 r' n( @0 B/ ?$ ~5 y+ V; p> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
4 {+ Q4 m# t& H) C. D9 [6 t> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
$ Y' ^. K9 d1 Y5 M/ r" x> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
8 L0 [# n+ ^2 S& t" V7 }> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
) h0 r7 ?6 k- H2 V7 g: N> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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) r2 m/ B6 C% R* H0 X  e> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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  \' N% _+ |5 j  V* ^! {> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
# y- g! Q- f0 m1 t- b- h> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
$ Y2 v1 }+ n4 m, E* M$ W" h+ K> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
  p/ `7 c. v7 u# G  x> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
0 U+ @" |" v; ]" o. h> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
* e- n1 W- P; p7 \5 K> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
- @) v( t- T5 C> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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" N( `8 R- H: Q" y9 K4 l/ f+ Y* c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
/ s/ E6 ]0 _$ t! q, \% V- b> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
5 L( P, e$ I% j+ O: N> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
1 _- R$ n5 k" {# f- W. ^> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
3 g3 [1 z  A) W4 N" F3 n( a> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business