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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
& v/ C: R( T: g/ Z1 v> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on - a T8 _# {- c
> > > >little TONY.
( j8 s2 {* p# ^$ Q( [> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." ( g( A% g% \- W" P
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
7 v) u% _, N' c5 H, c>thinking." 5 e7 L! Y' F3 r
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women ( V6 P w% y6 j" E2 n
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
9 D, o8 _" x9 A. r1 S0 F5 c> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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5 M: v7 f0 P. Y; E9 }; p8 F+ H> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
' f4 B' d7 `6 T# q>cream. ( L2 v! S- n+ V! k- l( E; j/ f
> > > >Which one is married?"
* w y. ?; u2 _' `% Z, N( d> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the * p2 S1 Y0 L* M0 [1 S
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
5 s( [' W) h' C5 ~7 l! A0 d> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
; E# o/ L6 e9 Q# v" O8 ~9 |> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking." 1 A3 ?: x$ v' c: w4 a3 }
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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" i! \; @) _3 I2 U& L) P! G4 ^> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. 3 ~- {3 M8 j; _
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
1 i1 j6 U) K; p, v, [' q> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY. ; d% H# u3 I- t5 B/ c
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad. 3 e3 F/ D0 r. D$ T; f# c3 H+ E
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
1 z& a/ y3 m9 J3 O4 H& \> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father. $ o1 ~8 Z1 F. I1 j. C; i
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are % R S2 s6 e6 H, H$ G! r9 H* F
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an ]$ E3 |7 m# o
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?" % Z0 n8 V+ S! o( `
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
& h' n- U% [& h2 @9 Q> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful." . B4 }: r7 J* Y- ^9 X/ }- x' S# X
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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" I( G; G, k0 b0 g2 P" f! B> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR 2 w% u' C' y ]
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
6 z% b1 S8 \+ J. S) [8 [> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a 6 t/ L9 J1 a0 U! E- j
> > > >piss!!"
5 i( e9 g5 ^6 b* \/ x: l8 R: k> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
( ^. R- M/ D9 p' s& c' ?> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
3 a7 C5 \# w) O! ^. s> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will 5 x, @1 h0 s( P( m/ |
> > > >allow
- C9 ]; Q- ^6 n' y9 c1 e. t> > > >you to go." - H% I y, s4 O& W$ Y% q+ j' b- R
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but 4 p, P( t0 A* F
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" * K" N2 L; P$ Y' m
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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+ h. ]3 g* e( g! G> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
9 J9 m# U' v7 Q( E& X `+ P> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
6 m v% _" g) h. w1 s& x> > > >same sentence twice. 2 X- H. J9 t$ V7 V' u
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
0 z7 `( ?+ ~$ d, c9 i3 P" ^+ o> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." % X2 W1 K+ d4 i Q9 g( I
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little $ G' n% o: g. K3 t; U. o0 v) ?
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
0 w& u, c5 T# [ U> > > >beautifully." 0 Q. {4 B) N" s4 |8 Y
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
3 q% V5 }" L8 g2 A> > > >called on little TONY. " D6 n# @7 k* C
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
, [2 u* N/ X5 t8 w5 A6 e> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!" Z: Y7 T) V0 H. V1 g3 T
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER " C. @8 J; {; M% ^
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- `* B' L) N5 C; Z6 e! a- ^0 J> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
8 w# M7 a4 n: f! y" h: @1 L> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him 9 T- {+ e5 b2 C9 r u# }
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
& ?0 t' |1 I2 N# Z3 V- L+ [> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
' q& Q2 c8 D5 L+ M! [> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
1 J' j' n u K( ~# `. g> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" " t) P7 J# F! N
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business |
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发表于 2008-5-9 19:16
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