10 Rocky moments

JoyceAccSG

1. A big fight over nothing
There are major issues couples commonly squabble over - like sex, money, and kids, all of which we'll get to in a minute - but if you're going through a rough spot over what seems like nothing at all, you're not alone. "Marriage is a lightning rod that absorbs stress from every source - past and present," says psychologist Harriet Lerner, author of Marriage Rules: A Manual for the Married and the Coupled Up. "When stress gets high enough, even the best couple can look like the most dysfunctional one." Lerner notes that just about anything can turn into an epic battle, including something as insignificant as which knife to use to properly cut a tomato. To stop the stressful cycle, take a deep breath and before your scream, think about whether the knife is really the problem. And if you already blew up, apologize and explain what's actually bothering you before it turns into a bigger issue.
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2. Financial struggles
Whether or not you believe money is the root of all evil, there's no denying it's responsible for a big chunk of relationship problems. The tough economic climate doesn't help, but even in the best of times, most couples will go through a rough patch. "My husband and I were ready to get married young, and we're still glad we did, but it was definitely a struggle to adjust to managing our finances as a couple while dealing with student loans and finding jobs," says Chelsea S., 27, of Findlay, OH. "Seriously talking about our biggest goal - to purchase our first home together - made us both more willing to make some sacrifices without resenting the shopping or new car we had to give up. It was still tough, but now that we're settled in, we're glad we saved for our life together."
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3. Truly becoming a part of each other's families
You met the parents, the parents met the parents, and the wedding went smoothly with both sides of the family. Whoa, did you have it easy! But even if you made it through all that, you're not done yet. Lerner says that couples can still expect to struggle with extended-family issues, like how often the grandparents will visit, and what boundaries to set. "If you really want to spend time with someone, maybe you should reconsider marriage and kids because you rarely get to spend time alone with them again," jokes Kelli S., 35, of Glenwood Springs, CO. Minimize issues and maximize quality time by reaching a mutual agreement with your partner on family matters, like deciding where you'll spend the holidays or how long your mom can bunk with you, and presenting a firm, united front to your in-laws.

/ {5 ^# m. T4 f4. The early stages of parenting
; \+ s2 x3 t) m& q As blissfully happy as you may be with your new baby, this adjustment period, during which you struggle to figure out who picks up the baby when she cries or finds childcare, is a rough one. "It's amazing and wonderful, but the most difficult experience all at once," says Erin B., 31, of Sunnyvale, CA. "You're sleep-deprived and second-guessing everything you do - and everything your spouse does, too. It can definitely lead to some rocky moments." The good news is you'll eventually get to sleep again - you just need to give yourselves time to figure out how to share the responsibilities. The bad news is it's probably your turn to get up and change a diaper right now.
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5. When your kids start to grow up
Once your children are old enough to talk and maybe even dress themselves, you can both take care of them and manage to get a daily shower. That'll get your relationship back to normal, right? Not so fast! Now come the even harder parenting decisions, those that could really divide you as a couple. "My husband believes in complete honesty with the kids at all times," says Pittsburgh resident Andrea J. "I say we need to keep our kids as innocent as we can, while we can. Needless to say, my six-year-old is now terrified of jail and prisons because my husband decided to tell her all about Alcatraz and the electric chair." You should both be comfortable with what you teach your child, so find a compromise that encompasses both of your values, such as, "We won't lie to the kids, but some details they don't need to know until they're older" before you put the little one in the middle of your opposing views.
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4 y- z+ }/ ]( P$ N$ N* X6. A sex drought
; P7 O+ Q/ _& V) d" Z/ r Whether you're dealing with tough issues outside of your marriage, or simply can't find the spark, most long-term couples find their sex lives ebb and flow. When you're in a time of, "sex, what's that?" dealing with restoring intimacy can be a major struggle, says Lerner. "There was a period I was uninterested in sex, and It made me sad not only because I enjoy sex, but because I missed that feeling of intimacy," remembers New Yorker Claire M., 34. "After some frustration, I realized that my antidepressants were the cause, and my doctor helped me reach a solution that worked for my health and my sex life. Now I appreciate sex even more." Whether it's lack of sleep, health problems, or emotional upheaval, getting to the root of the issue is the first step to getting back an active sex life.

# e1 h  Q9 o# U0 q, }7. When facing a big decision
Be it whether to accept a new job or when to start trying for another baby, two can be a crowd when it comes to decision-making. Frankly, even less life-changing but still important decisions, like home remodeling, can be a source of stress. "I've hidden from my husband in Home Depot because I was so mad I didn't want to deal with him, and a girlfriend of mine has left the store in tears because of her husband," says Lara S., 31, of Evergreen Park, IL. For big decisions, try making your own pros and cons lists, and then discussing them together. For smaller choices, try to work out a compromise before you're in an overcrowded public setting, or agree to disagree until you get home and can discuss calmly and in private.

1 C# G4 J# ?. p3 e8 b0 L! M8. An emotional rut
Much like you might get sick of eating even your favorite salad for lunch every day, you may go through the uncomfortable period of just not feeling connected to your partner. As the years pass, kids, jobs, and other commitments take up more of your time, and while you may think your relationship will nonetheless remain strong, it can suffer. The bright side? You can come closer together afterwards. "My husband and I went through a difficult time of avoiding spending time together," says Deb K., 41, of Fremont, OH. "Through counseling, we realized we had to really make an effort to recommit and recharge. Now we make time to consciously be together, even if it's just sitting on the couch, touching and being emotionally connected rather than just being in the same room."

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# [1 q) R$ |( m6 Q/ j" s# W' v9. An unpredictable tragedy
You've probably figured out how to deal with little daily stresses by now, but unfortunately, it's also common to get walloped by unpredictable ones - like facing an addiction, an affair, job loss, or chronic illness. Maybe your mother passed away unexpectedly, or your husband was diagnosed with diabetes. Sadly, there's no easy solution when events like this pop up, and they might continue disrupting your lives for some time. It may be frustrating or heartbreaking, but the key is to know you're in good company. "Recognize that rough patches - or rough years - are normal in even the best couple relationships," says Lerner. "That's why taking the long view, and keeping both feet in the marriage when the going gets rough is crucial for making your relationship work."

( W9 W  \2 {6 X; Q$ J2 \10. Growing older
You're not ready for the early bird special just yet, but your wild-child days seem increasingly far away. Nostalgia for the sweet flirtation of a new relationship or the excitement of your first job might make you feel stagnant in your older, wiser state. "When my daughter was a few months old, I was bickering at my husband for no reason," recalls Amy K., 42, of Indianapolis, IN. "I couldn't go back to being a carefree 20-something, so I made room for new activities, like starting a book club with my friends. I felt reenergized and happier even when I got home." A little midlife crisis is normal, but it doesn't have to spur a rough patch in your relationship. Instead, exploring a personal passion can help you bring excitement back into your partnership, and shift a negative or stuck dynamic.

艾ye

先站上沙发，晚上再详读

菩提树

自己有些说不清那个算，那个不算！

cmcw

请joyce给中文导读提示。。。。。。。。。。。。。。。

summer_tina

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1.有重大问题的夫妇通常争吵过 - 像性，金钱，和孩子们，所有这些，我们会在一分钟的时间 - 但如果你正在经历一个粗略的点，好像什么都没有，你并不孤单。 “婚姻是从每个源 - 过去和现在的避雷针，吸收应力，说：”心理学家的婚姻规则哈里特·勒纳作者：已婚和耦合手册。 “当压力足够高，即使是最好的夫妇可以看起来最不正常的。”勒纳指出，几乎任何东西都可以变成一场史诗般的战役，包括一些微不足道的使用刀，切番茄。要停止紧张的周期，做深呼吸，你的尖叫前，想想刀是否是真正的问题。如果你已经炸毁了，道歉和解释什么困扰着你，它变成一个更大的问题。
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' |' c/ O0 L* Q! ?4 _7 j5 J2.无论你是否相信金钱是万恶之源，但不可否认这是一大块的关系问题负责。严峻的经济环境并没有帮助，但即使是在最好的时候，大多数夫妇会经过一个粗略的补丁。 “我的丈夫和我都准备结婚的年轻人，我们仍然很高兴我们这样做，但它肯定是调整我们的财政管理作为一对夫妇在处理学生贷款和寻找工作的斗争，说：”切尔西S. 27日，芬德利，俄亥俄州。 “认真谈论我们最大的目标 - 购买我们的第一个家 - 我们更愿意做出一些牺牲，没有怨恨的购物或新的车，我们只好放弃。它仍然是艰难的，但现在我们已经落户我们一起保存为我们的生活，我们很高兴。“

3.你的父母见了面，父母的父母见了面，并在婚礼顺利，双方的家庭。哇，你很容易！但是，即使你通过所有的，你不这样做。勒纳说，夫妇仍然可以期待的斗争与扩展家庭问题，怎么样往往是祖父母将参观，和什么样的边界设置。 ，开玩笑说：“如果你真的想花时间与别人，也许你应该重新考虑婚姻和孩子，因为你很少花时间单独与他们再次凯利S.，35岁，格伦伍德温泉，CO最小化问题，提高质量的时间你的伴侣在家庭事务，如决定在这里您可以度过假期要不了多久，你的妈妈可以与您双层一家公司，统一战线，并提出在法律达成一个共同的协议。
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4.由于过得很幸福，因为你可能会与你的新宝宝，这个调整期，在此期间，你在努力搞清楚他拿起宝宝的时候她哭了，或者找到托儿，是一个粗略的。 “这是惊人的，美好的，但最困难的经验，说：”艾琳B.，31日，桑尼维尔，CA。 “你的睡眠剥夺和第二猜你所做的一切 - 你的配偶做的一切，也必然导致一些岩石的时刻。”好消息是，你最终会去睡觉了 - 你只需要提供自己的时间来搞清楚如何分担责任。坏消息是，它可能是起床，换尿布，现在轮到你..

鸟语花香

谢谢分享！献一朵鲜花表示深深地谢意！

summer_tina

惭愧，是用google  translate翻译的，多半翻译的很烂，但是大意知道啦。。。